Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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