I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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