I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
