Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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