I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
