well I can't set my house on fire every night
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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