Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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