Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
