i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
ok first of all what the fuck
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
