I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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