my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
