We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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