Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
