I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
