My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
