OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
