Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
