i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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