I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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