we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
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