my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Two words: nipple clamps
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