he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
