apparently the secret to your success is patron
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I don't deserve a penis
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
