someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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