Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
