you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
