You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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