Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
