I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
What drink are we having for lunch?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
