i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
