she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
