you guys were way drunker than both of me
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The dick lei will go down in squad history
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
