oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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