i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I need moral support for this bender
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
