Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
