My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
