Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
