three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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