My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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