i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
