hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
