I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
