Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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