I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
