Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
