My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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