Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
