it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
