Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize