Who wears a wallet chain?!
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
