She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
