His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize