I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
