She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
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