Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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