she was so not down for the gang bang
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
