To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize