put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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