That's intense
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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