If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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