no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
