it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
