I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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