Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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