I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
