I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
