But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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