I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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