i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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